Bangkok Dreaming

Rumor of the Week: The new Puea Thai government plans to replace all traffic police with unemployed transvestite cabaret show workers. It’s not known if this help improve the flow of traffic, but officials believe that the katoeys will put on a very entertaining show. If nothing else, it should make the time pass quickly during the daily traffic gridlock.

Business Idea of the Week: Local branches of KFC plan to offer a new item on their menu: the Yingluck Burger. This “treat” will consist of two processed crab patties with prik thai sauce, mango and pickle slices, and served on a square-shaped sesame seed bun (the bun shape in honor of big bro Thaksin’s famous facial features).

Impossible Dream of the Week: The delusional Red Shirt leaders decide to drop their demands for the government to pay 10 million baht to each victim of last year’s government “crackdown” on Red Shirt protests.

“We realized that we were really the ones at fault for the disturbances last year, so it’s not fair for us to receive any compensation,”  said one of the notorious Red Shirt leaders. “After all, the Red Shirts are the ones who started the rallies and kept them going for such a long time, even when local merchants asked us to stop and the government agreed to our demands for early elections. We regret that our actions forced many shopping centers, restaurants and hotels to close, and it’s sad that many small shops and vendors also lost business during the two months we camped out and occupied the area surrounding Central World Plaza. We didn’t realize that building bamboo barricades and blocking streets would cause such an inconvenience to Bangkok residents. And we swear that it wasn’t our intention for Red Shirt guards to physically search, harass, and intimidate pedestrians that tried to pass through Red Shirt areas. If we had to do it all over again, we would stay at home and ask Thaksin for more money.”

Ah yes, we can only dream about such acts of contrition!